A tiny, sweet thing is one of those perfect Havi-isms for a new idea that you’re getting to know.
You know, an idea for a thing lands in your brain. A spark of inspiration. And you’re paying attention. What I need for my tiny sweet things arrived in the form of several shivanautical understandings during my mini-Rally with Jesse, which, by the way, was magical and looked like this!
Why yes, that is my first-ever, previously nonexistant Playground-esque “work station”. Why yes, there were popsicle sticks and colored paper and markers and a bronze owl. Why yes, I am extremely excited about these developments.
More mini-Rallies!
Aaaaand onto today’s topic:
The importance of properly fulfilling my job description as guardian of the tiny, sweet thing.
When it lands, it lands on you. For a reason.
The muses/gods have visited you and planted something. And there are so many unsafe things that can happen to it. (And goodness knows many a tiny sweet thing has died due to exposures to unsafe elements.)
“So how does that work anyway?”
“How do you make a living out of that?”
“But can you afford to do that with ….?”
“How’s that idea of yours going?”
“But what will you do when ….?”
“Have you tried….? You really should….”
“Are you getting clients?”
“Oh, is that kind of like [a cringe-making crude comparison]?”
[If these don't resonate, replace with whatever poke-y, prod-y inquiry you get about your thing. (You know, your thing.)]
You have been entrusted to act as its guardian. You don’t owe anybody any answer.
You just don’t.
People don’t get to poke and prod.
They just don’t.
It doesn’t matter how close they are to you, how supportive they are or even how related they are.
(this! is! important!)
It could be your best friend/mother/spouse/biggest fan/highest paid consultant.
Doesn’t matter.
It’s a sacred duty to hold, incubate, protect, nurture, and gently watch your tiny sweet thing’s unfolding. You get to draw and enforce multiple layers of protection around your thing and people don’t get to come in any closer than you’re ready and happily willing to let them in.
If the thing is at the epicenter and there are 10 concentric circles of protection around it, letting someone in on layer 4 doesn’t mean they get to push their way into layer 2.
Letting someone into layer 2 doesn’t mean they get to come all the way to the center.
Unless you want them to. And you get to change your mind about it.
If they get upset, it’s a sign that their stuff is showing up. Compassion for their pain and modeling respect for the boundaries can play together.
This is a conscious, ongoing, often-challenging sovereignty practice.
Deflecting the poking and prodding:
Most of the time, fortunately, people are just being polite. A vague non-answer with a smile, followed by turning the table on them, might just be enough:
“Oh, thanks for asking! Things are just fine. How about you?”
Other sovereign responses?
“Thanks for asking! I’d love to consult with you about it when I’m ready.”
“I love that you’re always looking out for me. Thank you. How is your job/project/workout regimen/dog?”
“Oh, these things keep me guessing. What have you been up to?”
Poking and prodding is (mostly) innocent and well-intentioned. Our culture doesn’t necessarily teach people how to respect tiny sweet things. It’s not their fault. They probably love you and just want the best for you but don’t know how else to go about showing it.
You can assure them that they have been heard. You can show appreciation. You can be curious about things they care about. You can tell them that a party will be thrown later and that they’ll be invited.
Drawing boundaries and being a sovereign enforcer isn’t the same thing as shutting people out.
Kind of like when you’re taking care of a tiny little baby, it’s not that you want the baby to stay tiny and fragile forever so you can keep cradling it away from the hands and eyes of strangers. It’s necessary right now but not the point.
In due time, the baby is going to become a toddler. Then, it will go out into the world and interact with people and make friends and be adorable. A properly loved, protected and nourished baby will grow up to be a wonderful whole person who can go on to love and nourish other people.
Light from light.
And that’s the point.
The boundaries exist so your tiny sweet thing can grow up properly in order to do its magic in the world. They’re a good thing! Hooray for boundaries and all boundary-keepers.
Boundaries actually is a very foreign concept to me. Most of my life, I had no idea what it looks like or why it’s necessary. I’m nowhere near being “good at” boundaries right now.
But this, like many other things, is an ongoing practice that I’m working on. My stuff. My processes.
If you’d like to play, comment away!
About boundaries, sovereignty, tiny sweet things, little flickers of light. Or silent retreat! It’s all good.
Love!
Auugh! Boundaries! I’m wrestling with them as well. I was raised that it was fine for others to have strong boundaries, but I was not allowed to have any. The awesome part of this is that I don’t operate like this anymore. I’m rethinking everything.
Thanks for the permission to put up a force field AND polite strategies for turning away well-intentioned probing. I know I’ve done my share of unwelcome prodding.
Hooray for your tiny sweet thing!!
Cherilyn recently posted..Spontaneous bike date!
Oy, how many of us identify with ” I was raised that it was fine for others to have strong boundaries, but I was not allowed to have any.”??
Me!
Thank you for your hooray. Hooray for all your tiny sweet things, too, and maybe some things that aren’t even so tiny anymore.
Such clarity with a foreign concept. Thanks for sharing about boundaries and sweet little things. I’m just beginning on this exploration and these are good things to think about and practice.
And this is where I COULD get all raaahrr rage at MEN and WAR and STUPID STUPID of the STUPID STUPID but instead I’m going to exhale all that passive, unempowered, energy-dissipating ‘this is what a female does’ patterned training and inhale, look inside and find Kali, Artemis and Hestia instead.
I am woman, hear me roar. I held this tiny sweet thing in my belly and my heart and my hands. You really wanna try and fuck with it? You think I’m gonna let that happen? I don’t need to strike, I just smile and you get to see my teeth. I am wolf-woman.
And learning how to hold that fierce, fearless, empowered strength for my SELF and my sweet things as well as I do my kids. Learning to honor MY sacred-ness, and the sacred-ness of the seeds the muses have planted on me. Yes. Learning. Same as in my actual kid-raising.
xoxo
Claire P recently posted..Returning. Hello new year, new self, new moment
i love the way you talk about this.
i’m in the process of learning to protect and honour my creative process, of really understanding what it wants and what kind of silence/space i need to make around it. and then i listened to a recording by hiro boga yesterday and she talked about the time that it takes for the body to catch up to newness that is emerging…
i keep picturing a tiny little delicate egg inside, something held carefully, like that old game where you put the egg on the spoon and run around carefully, doing everything in your power not to break it.
been looking to find more menstruation metaphors. this helps me to think about the time of the new egg descending. a time when i actually find myself feeling fiercer than usual — as if the internal protector knows that it’s time to kick in and be clear about what needs to stay away from me.
this has always fascinated me — this period where i need to attract “something” ie my partner/lover/mate if i were to literally conceive, yet my body and my being intuitively knowing to push things away and protect…