There’s something that my hypnosis teacher Melissa says whenever her students scramble neurotically to get details right. Which I absolutely love.

Remember, people. All this shit is made up.

It’s hilarious. And devastatingly true.

Just because something is made-up, it doesn’t mean it’s not potent or important or useful. But it reminds us that things we take so seriously, stuff we try so hard to get ‘right’, are constructs.

The entirety of the DSM? Made up.

The Bible? Some dudes wrote it.

Yoga asanas? People came up with it at some point.

Archetypal stories? Someone made it up and told it for the first time, at some point.

Rules of writing? Meaning of words in the dictionary? One person or a group of people got together, talked about it, and made some decisions.

If you ask me (and I’m going to assume that you did!), the only people who deal with physical, unchanging, universal truths is mathematicians and maybe physicists.

Again, I want to stress: “made up” doesn’t mean not important or useful.

It just means that stuff is, well, made up! Possibly by smart, insightful and helpful human beings. But still made up.

So, um, onto today’s topic: EFT!

(Have you seen my video explaining the basics and troubleshooting common issues? You should!)

The original setup phrase that the founder of EFT, Gary Craig, came up with is “Even though [blah blah], I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

My teacher, when she was teaching it to us, took out the “love” and kept the “accept” because, well, in her words, “love” was “too fucking California.” (Oh, Melissa, why are you so great?)

I am personally from California as well as New York, so I don’t mind the love, but I think it’s more elegant without it.

And that’s how I like to teach EFT to people, too, because it’s simple and easy to remember. But here’s the thing.

I want people to take ownership of EFT. I want them to play with it and make it work for themselves.

(Because some dude made it up and you have permission to tweak it, too!)

There are times when “I completely accept myself” is completely un-say-able. There are times when I am nowhere near being able to accept any part of myself.

That’s a symptom, to me, that shame is showing up.

And shame is one of the stickiest, trickiest monsters around.

I’ve been dealing with guilt and shame quite a bit in the past week. I like to blame it on PMS, but  who knows. All I know is that I have screwed up in at least a half dozen ways in the past week, all of which put other people at an inconvenience. Nothing devastating or unforgivable, but still.

The familiar triggering of old patterns of self-recrimination!

In short, I’ve had lots of opportunities to play with EFT. “I accept myself” was not going to happen. Because, you know;

You accept yourself? Oh, that’s nice and convenient, you shameless, flaky, amoral, pathetic excuse of a human being. Now, on with the continued self-flagellation! 

Some other stuff I tried, which didn’t work:

– “I am still a good person.” (No, you’re not, you whore!) 

– “This is just temporary.” (But your suckiness is not! It is a permanent condition!)

– “This is very small in the grand scheme of things.” (Oh and you want to move on? How convenient for a petty sinner!)

(These options work for other times! They might work for you! They just didn’t work for me, this time, when I was dealing with shame. But your stuff might be different!)

Here are some options that I came up with that did work for me.

Scripts that brought relief and were believable. Scripts that pointed me in the direction of understanding and self-directed empathy without triggering even louder monster voices.

I’m listing them here as a reminder to myself and as a note to you, in case you find it useful for your own practice.

Even though I fucked up like this…

(1) I am learning to interact with my pain.

This one, to me, is so neutral and useful every time. It doesn’t push too far in the direction of “love” and “acceptance” — in fact, it’s barely a weak nudge. So it keeps monsters calm. But what it does is firmly remind me that the pain is not me. The pain is something that I am experiencing. And I am, indeed, learning to interact with it. Every bit of it rings true. And yet, it brings relief.

(2) Forgiveness is something that is available to me.

I’m not saying “I can forgive myself,” or “I deserve forgiveness.” I tried those and they didn’t work because I didn’t believe myself. But this is just a gentle reminder, which is still unarguably true. Forgiveness is available. It’s there. I don’t have to, like, claim it right now but it’s there if I need it and am able to access it. That, in itself, is very healing to know.

(3) Love is something that is available to me.

This one works for me too. All the same reasons as above. I don’t have to claim it. But it’s there.

I offer these insights with hopes that they will bring you relief when you need it. I also offer them, imagining them as permission slips on popsicle stickes; yes, you can tweak things to make them work for you, in that particular situation at that particular time.

Curiosity! Play! Adaptation!

Happy tapping.